Westmeath matchmaker helping Ireland's singles find love

"There is no reason for anyone to be single”, according to Westmeath’s answer to Cupid.

Mullingar’s Mairead Loughman has literally made it her life’s work to reduce Ireland’s singleton population. In the less than two years since she left a successful career managing other people’s businesses to become a full-time matchmaker, she has sent more than 2,000 men and women on dates.

Speaking to the Westmeath Examiner, Mairead revealed that she was pairing people off long before she decided to make it her day job and that her matchmaking instincts may be genetic.

“I have always been matching people. I’ve matched a lot of my friends. A lot of people are married because of me.

“People would say to me ‘Do you know someone for this person?’ I am quite social and have a genuine interest in people. Plus I have a good memory for things people tell me.

“I don’t know if this is true, but we recently had a family occasion and one of my cousins said that my great granny used to be a matchmaker. I haven’t had a chance to look into it yet. It might be in the blood.

“It’s nice to be nice. So many people are just absorbed in themselves. My parents always taught me that if there was a lonely person to include them, and that’s what I’ve tried to do along the way.”

In addition to her matchmaking service, Mairead offers clients a range of options for meeting Mr and Mrs Right including ‘A Table for Six’ – where she sends six singletons who don’t know each other, three men and three women or a same sex group, on a dinner date with tables matched based on age, interests, occupation and background; and ‘The Farmer Wants a Wife’, which is essentially the same as A Table for Six but for farmers or people who want to meet farmers.

She has also recently launched ‘Love Letters’ – a website dedicated solely to long-term love.

“People put a small paragraph about themselves and what they are looking for on our site. As we are all about personable ways of meeting people, it is free to write to these peoples ads if they send a hand-written letter to our office, which we post to the recipient. Or, they can write to the person through our website, which costs only €5.

“We have already received 100s of love letters,” Mairead said.

If that wasn’t enough, earlier this year she ran a First Dates event in Danny Byrnes in Mullingar, which was so successful that she is running another on Friday August 19.

Both A Table For Six and The Farmer Wants a Wife have received a lot of media attention at home and abroad. Within days of launching the website for A Table For Six last May, Mairead was interviewed by the Irish Independent and appeared on radio and television shows on RTÉ. Now a year later, and A Table For Six and The Farmer Wants A Wife have proved so successful that Mairead recently expanded the services to the UK, where they have already generated a lot of interest. A Canadian company has also made enquiries about bringing The Farmer Wants A Wife across the Atlantic.

While her clients range in age from 20 to 70, she says that the majority are in their 30s and 40s and are often people who up to now put other aspects of their life ahead of romance. “I get a lot of people that maybe concentrated a lot on their careers, maybe professionals who the recession hit hard over the last ten years. Instead of giving up they put their heads down and it’s only now they are coming through the opposite end.

“A lot are people who are coming to their late 30s and early 40s and really want to have kids. Their friends are married, they have no wing man or wing woman any more.”
 

Internet dating

Many of the thousands of people who have come to Mairead looking for assistance have tried internet dating and become disheartened by it, she says. “You have some sites that are completely disposable, you could swipe through 50 people within three minutes.

“If you look at yourself from a business point of view and you want to meet someone of a certain level or calibre – well educated, a nice person who comes from a good family, that’s what a lot of Irish people are looking for. Why then are you going to put yourself up on a free website?

“The main reasons that people use us are: one, for safety, because we do act as that buffer, and two, for time.

“People are sick of trawling through internet sites or going out on a Saturday night and putting their best foot forward and coming home with no numbers. We’re doing all the work for them in the background. You can go straight to walking into the restaurant on a date with someone who is looking for the same things.

“I only deal with people who are looking for long-term, meaningful relationships.”

While some of the free online dating sites have their place, especially if you are looking for a more transient relationship, Mairead says that rather than alleviating the growing problem of loneliness in society, they may be exacerbating it.

“Recently in the UK they appointed a minister for loneliness. When we think of loneliness, we think of people who are retired or people who widowed.

“How about that whole section of society who are lonely because they are at work all day and that’s their social interaction. They are going home to an empty house. Imagine you are under all the pressures of life, like sales targets or building a new business, or working as a nurse, and then going home alone.

“Possibly their only outlet for human interaction outside work is going out on a Saturday evening, but now their friends are married so they have no one to go out with. There are a lot of lonely people.

“The saddest thing I heard recently was from a gentleman in his mid-40s. I was chatting away to him and from what he said, I knew he was lonely. I asked him when was the last time he got a hug and he said 12 years ago. He is only in his mid-40s. He’s a businessman, he drives a big fancy car. He has everything going for him, he’s a good looking man, he dresses well, but he hasn’t had a hug in 12 years!

“You do meet a lot of people who are lonely, but there is no reason for anyone to be single. There really isn’t. I understand that sometimes people need time after a relationship, they might be busy with work or they might be dealing with a mental health issue, but everybody needs somebody.”

While there is no reason for anyone to be single, Mairead says she is not afraid to pass on some constructive criticism to her clients.

“I will look at how they are portraying themselves on social media and what image they are putting forward.

“Everyone wants someone who is happy. If you are going around with a mopey head or you haven’t got your hair cut in a year, you are not putting your best foot forward.

“Everybody can meet somebody but I do believe they have to give themselves the best opportunity. If you think about what you are looking for in a partner, the chances are that the person who could suit you is looking for the same things.

“Everyone is looking for someone who is happy in themselves. Someone who is healthy in themselves, someone that looks after their appearance, someone who is kind in their nature, someone who will enhance their life. You are not going to have a relationship unless that person enhances your life.

“If you are looking for a partner, it is important that you portray those things. With your pictures you should show that you are happy, that you are a fun person, that you are kind, that you dress well.”

When asked about what makes a good matchmaker, Mairead says the most important thing is that you can empathise with your clients.

“You have to almost absorb the person, if you don’t know who they are, you can’t match them with somebody. Secondly, you have to be someone who is quite confident because sometimes you’ll have to say: ‘Look do you mind if I tell you...’. You will never give them feedback or criticism that you don’t think will help.

“You also have to be someone with good integrity. You can’t promise the world to someone and not deliver. It’s having a genuine interest in people and really being prepared to take them under your wing. And it is important to have a really good memory for detail.

“I manage people’s expectations as well. I’m not Santa, I don’t go back to my workshop and make this person. We are talking about real people with real life experiences or ties or baggage. And no matter how good a match two people are, it all comes back to chemistry. If we could just bottle chemistry I would be richer than Oprah (laughs).”

There is no better feeling, Mairead says, then when two people she has matched hit it off. “I would like to say that I treat all my clients the same and they obviously get the same level of service. But sometimes you meet someone special and you just think to yourself ‘ It is my life’s goal to sort them out’.

“There are just the loveliest people out there, the kindest people. There are people out there and you’re like ‘How are you single?’ They are amazing. To be able to help is absolutely brilliant.”
Reflecting on what has been a whirlwind start to her life as a professional matchmaker, Mairead has described the last two years as “incredible”.

“It is really a dream – all of the people I’ve met and all of the places it’s taken me to over the last year. But most of all it’s the people I’ve met. I’d have a lot of high profile clients for the one-to-one matchmaking. There’s radio presenters, TV presenters. Everyone from that to farmers who just want to meet someone from a country background.

“You just don’t know who you are going to meet or who is going to ring you. It has been incredible.”

As for what the future holds, Mairead is excited about the scope for expanding her business outside of Ireland, starting with the UK.

Praising the Local Enterprise Office for their support in helping her enter the UK market, this ambitious young business woman believes that A Table For Six and The Farmer Wants A Wife will travel well because they are simple concepts that will work anywhere.

“I always keep it simple. Love is simple. You don’t have to complicate it. Love works best when it is simple. It’s real life.

“You might not say it is simple when you see the number of emails we get each day. Over the weekend we could get 200 or 300 people emailing, no problem. It has to be simple though. You are putting people in front of other people. It’s the basics of advertising. If you can get them within three metres of the audience, that’s it, but it’s putting them in front of the right audience.”
 

Set a friend up
on a blind date

If you have a friend who is still waiting to meet ‘The One’, you could do a lot worse than set them up on a blind date, Mairead says.

“I always think the biggest compliment you can give someone is sending them on a blind date or matching them with someone you know. You might be reluctant to send them on a blind date because you might think that if it goes wrong, it will be your fault and you’ll never live it down. I think that actually most single people wouldn’t mind going on a blind date and seeing how it goes.

“The biggest problem is friends telling friends how brilliant they are and that they can’t believe they are single. What are you doing as a friend to help? Don’t tell them they are brilliant when they have one side of their hair white and one side black. Encourage them the right way. Don’t tell them they are doing brilliantly if they aren’t. Help them. Set them up with somebody. Do a bit of matchmaking yourself. So what if it doesn’t work out... it’s only an hour or an hour and a half and it could work out. That’s how Prince Harry and Meghan met –someone set them up.”

When it comes to online dating some people may be a little economical with the truth; however, Mairead says that it is ultimately a futile exercise, particularly if you are looking for a long-term relationship.

“The biggest thing we tend to lie about is age. I think it is important that we are honest about that but I think people get too caught up with age.

“It depends on what people are looking for. I recently set up a couple with an age difference of 11 years but she was looking for an older man and he was looking for a younger lady and was very young at heart.

“I just got a text from them a few days ago and they were on holiday in Portugal. I only set them up on a date three months ago.

“There are people who fluff the extra bits. I would say soon after meeting that they should come clean about them.

“When I am doing matchmaking I meet everyone one-to-one for a full consultation. I get a copy of their driving licence or passport to make sure they are who they say they are.

“Also because I have met them in person, there is no point in them telling me that they are a gym bunny when they haven’t been to the gym in six years.”