Election Promises: Stuck in the Middle with You

By Chele Crawley

As the result of the US election now takes its toll

it’s time we Irish averted our eyehole

From the Yankee circus and Soviet block

To ‘Mehole’, ‘Simple Simon’ and that ridiculous flock

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Yes, every five years this country is bored to tears

When leaders roam the country handing out beers,

dancing on the street with their two left feet

shaking hands with every man, woman and child they meet.

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Their daily sound bites dominate the headlines

Sinn Féín’s squabbling retorts, Fianna Gael’s corny punchlines

Pregnant Holly Cairns could go into Labour.

Stop with the bad clichés – if you could do us a favour!

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Their shiny faces dotted all over our public spaces

Not just one mind, but several to cover all the bases.

Their pearly whites and cheesy grins, promising change in order to win

Ditching their snakeskin with aspirations which we know are futile to begin

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It’s the same old pledges, just phrased anew

The same old rhetoric even from Aontú

Reduce the Universal Social Charge… where did I hear that before?

Build thousands of new homes… 50,000 a year you swore

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Implement Sláintecare and increase the number of beds

Open the new kiddies hospital – oh the total cost we shall dread

Fund new gardaí and extend the overcrowded prisons

Same old positions from our chagrin politicians

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Moving Ireland forward means investing in schools

Ssh! Don’t tell O’Leary – teachers are only fools

The Office of Public Works will be renamed

Because of that bike shed the government are ashamed

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Let’s not forget the true elephant in the room

International protection centres – could lay the government’s tomb

So as you can see it is all the same, same not different

Election promises a plenty but nothing rings magnificent

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With clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right

And nothing new on the campaign trail as a guiding light

It seems inevitable that we’ll be stuck in the middle with you

‘Mehole’, ‘Simple Simon’ or that ‘Bat chick’ one too as rotating Taoiseach for yet another few

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Chelle Crawley is a member of Inklings Writing Group where members write about elections and stuff. Inklings meet every Tuesday at 11am at the Annebrook House Hotel and earlier for tea/coffee. No membership fee. Visitors are welcome.