‘You’ll be grand… just run it off!’

One of the Lads sent me a photo recently that is worth a second glance. It is a genuine photo taken at the top echelons of English soccer some time in the 1930s. Arsenal player, Ted Drake, is being carried off the pitch unconscious.

The player is draped across a man’s shoulder, assisted by two others. Arms and legs dangling, Ted was clearly dead weight. So far, so bad; now pay full attention please. In an act that would make the Bould Thady Quill look like the third sub, they brought Drake round on the sideline, sent him back on the pitch… and he scored three goals!

Contrast this story with the antics of the Premiership players of today. To illustrate the difference, I am going to tell you a story that never happened; but nonetheless drives home the difference with today’s top players. During Covid lockdown, another of the Lads sent me a ‘funny’ on WhatsApp. It showed a prima donna premier player, with his sleeve rolled up, as the nurse with the needle jabbed his upper arm. Next caption shows the hero rolling around on the floor holding his head!

GAA, rugby and many other sports people are not ‘divers’ like the soccer stars – although this has to be watched, as there appears to be a worrying hint of injury cheating creeping into games.

Back in the day, before hamstrings, and when a HIA meant ‘Hastened Instant Assay’, a hurler or camogie player didn’t remain in a horizontal position long enough to ‘earn’ a free – if they were able to get up at all. That isn’t to say that attention was not forthcoming.

Oh yes, the footballer after being poleaxed, would have two men running in off the sideline to sort things out. Dressed in trench coat, or suit and tie; coat belt and tie swinging loosely, one with a peaky cap and the other with a soft hat; both with fags protruding from the corner of their mouths, these team mentors knew what was needed.

One carried a big glass bottle; which in another life contained Taylor Keith red lemonade, but now full of water. Every player in the vicinity of the downed man… including the opposing players could have a slug from the bottle – but only after the patient was cured.

While the broken-up player was being dosed with the water by one of the men, his side-kick engaged in therapy which went something like this: ‘You’ll be alright Johnny… there’s not a bother on you… just run it off!’ The man with the bottle chips in with; ‘don’t let the so-n-so best you, Johnny’.

When the water had finished going with Johnny’s breath, he might say something like; ‘but I can’t run it off… one of my feet is pointing behind me.’

‘You’ll be grand, Johnny… try running sideways… just run it off!’

And so, Johnny ran it off!

Now, we know that all of life is depicted on the sports field, so wouldn’t it be great if ‘run it off’, could be applied as a solution to the ills of today’s world? Think about it…

When Donald Trump sits at his desk in the Oval Office; spouting spiteful, peevish nonsense, if only his advisers would say; ‘Mr President, the best thing you can do is go outside and run it off.’

‘You’ll be grand, Mr President, there won’t be a bother on you… just run it off!’

Enoch Burke… now there’s the perfect example of a man who needs to ‘run it off’. Enoch’s mother, brother and sister could join him in a lap around Multy. I tell you, it would work. Can you picture the difference in that family after running it off? And it costs the taxpayer nothing!

I am not a great fan of Joe Duffy’s ‘whinetime’ programme, but driving along recently, with the radio on, Joe’s programme (and seriously, he is very good) was devoted to the despicable scourge of anonymous letter writers. If only Joe could get through to the fat frustrated fool, sitting in the corner composing hateful anonymous letters and deliver this message; ‘get out on the road and run it off and you’ll be grand!’.

I guarantee you, that is the cure!

The row over Dáil speaking time could have been resolved quickly with three simple words, if only Verona had spoken to me before uttering ‘ye are making a holy show of yourselves’; if only, when Mary Lou, Paul and Richie Boyd were approaching bursting point with indignation, if only the Ceann Comhairle had ordered; ‘Ah you’ll be grand… just get up and run it off – and there won’t be a bother on you… up with you and try running it off!’.

Don’t Forget

Here is your chance to own a new luxury apartment in Spain and have €50,000 into your hand as well! This is the amazing prize on offer in the Westmeath GAA draw; winahomeinspain.com. Funds will go to providing a Centre of Excellence in Westmeath.

Tickets are on sale for €100 and can be purchased online, or from a member of the county board, Club Iarmhí, or any Westmeath GAA club. Pat Doherty on 087 2206875 will gladly point you in the right direction.

Go on… as the man said; ‘It could be you!’