The 11.30 Bus
Jacqui Wiley
Conall sat on the 11.30pm bus admiring the loving couple in the reflection of the bus window, envious of the love they shared. He wondered why he and his wife Emily couldn’t have a relationship like that.
If Emily just gave him one good reason, he would be gone. Holding her was so hard when he loved another. She had no part to play in this, she had done nothing wrong. She helped him through tough times, stood by him when he was ill and sacrificed so much for his happiness.
Emily was loyal, supportive and committed. She was a good mother and a great wife. She was so good to him, but being good wasn’t good enough any more. How could he walk out the door? How could he leave?
Looking at the couple in the reflection, he watched as their fingers entwined each looking forward, lost in their own thoughts, but together in love. Glancing at the woman, he could see eyes full of love that seemed effortless and pure. She leaned in for a kiss and Conall was lost in that moment.
A few words were exchanged. Conall listened and then returned to his thoughts of Emily – beautiful, kind, loving Emily. How was it even possible to love two women: one who filled his days and another, his nights, his mind in constant battle to make a choice, his heart not willing to let either go? The only distance between him and both of the women he loved was when they were apart.
Conall’s mind was full of tumultuous emotions, only eased when he looked at the window as her head gently rested on his shoulder, hands still entwined, once again lost in their own world as the hum of the bus’s engine sang them a lullaby.
His other hand stretched out to fix her hair and she smiled and then it rested on the slight swell of her stomach.
He thought of his six-year-old son, and how he adored Joe.
Joe was full of fun and laughter. Looking at the couple in the reflection, he remembered the feeling of resting his hand on Emily’s belly and the joy and wonder of not knowing what was before them, boy or girl.
“There are so few surprises left in life, we will wait and see what we are gifted,” Emily had said, her bright blue eyes shining like diamonds. “Oh, Emily, I am so sorry,” he cried inwardly, “I did not plan this, it just happened.”
The bus began to slow as it approached the station. He looked at the couple in the window once more; she kissed him on the cheek affectionately and together they stood up to depart.
In that moment, he realised there would be no easy answers to his conundrum, no quick solutions. The web of deceit and lies had been spun and entangled by him. Within it, were the many lives he had drawn in, all equally loved by him.
For now, he chose to live in this moment and enjoy his time with her, his lover Amora. He would make his decision tomorrow morning on the 11.30am bus home, he promised silently.
Conall held Amora’s hands to help her off the bus, their reflection now vanished. He smiles and embraces Amora. Emily and Joe fade away with the sound of the departing bus as he and Amora walk off hand in hand in the warm night air.
Jacqui Wiley is a member of Inklings Writing Group, who meet on Tuesdays at 11am in the Annebrook House Hotel.