The Great Budget Giveaway

Pat Kenny

‘Twas the season of giving, and the government elves were busy in Leinster House, wrapping up the biggest budget giveaway Ireland had ever seen – like Santa on steroids, but with tax receipts instead of toys.

The coalition would spread festive cheer, and it wasn’t just mistletoe and mulled wine – it was cold, hard cash. Workers were set to find an extra grand in their stockings, thanks to tax cuts that promised to make pay packets plumper than a Christmas pudding and shinier than a tinsel-covered tree.

Not to be outdone, the elves decided to sprinkle some magic dust on energy bills. Two sparkling credits would take the chill out of winter, leaving homes warmer than granny’s best woolly jumper. And for families: double child benefit payments – twice over – because what’s better than one holiday miracle? Two, served with a bucket full of mince pies.

But hold on to your reindeer, folks, because the Green Party went full Santa mode with a ‘baby boost’, turning child benefit into a triple delight, leaving parents grinning wider than a turkey stuffed with enough trimmings to feed a small army.

The sleigh of goodies was overflowing – disability grants, carer support, fuel allowances, and a living alone payment. Not partridges but euro in pear trees.

And the elders: the government unwrapped a universal companion pass for the over-70s, letting them take a friend on public transport for free – because nothing says Christmas like a free ride for you and your best friend – on the way to bingo.

As the elves were making merry, ministers dove deeper into their pot of gold. Bumper corporation tax receipts had turned into a river of riches, pouring billions into housing, water, and energy projects, and the Apple tax treasure chest funded electricity, transport, and housing – a gift that keeps on giving, with a huge wink and nod to the North Pole.

Every Christmas story needs a Scrooge. The hospitality sector was out in the cold, and with no VAT cuts to warm their hearts; their only crumb of consolation was extended business support – like a stale Christmas cookie in your stocking.

Meanwhile, the coalition parties, like kids squabbling over the last mince pie, jostled to take credit for the festive bounty. Micheál Martin played the Grinch, calling out Fine Gael for trying to slip an extra €15 into pensioners’ stockings. He called it spinning; Fine Gael called it goodwill. Same stocking, different stuffing.

And on and on: weekly welfare payments were getting a boost, carers found a little extra love in their envelopes, and even hormone replacement therapy became a free gift – finally making menopause just a bit merrier.

And as the snowflakes of promises settled gently over the land, the people of Ireland were left wondering if this was the coalition’s grand plan to win hearts and votes, buy us with our own money or just a festive flash in the pan. Will voters be enchanted by the sleigh-load of cash or will they wake up in January with a hangover worse than the Berty Crash of 2008?

But beneath the twinkling lights and shiny promises, some wonder if the real gift will be a new year headache – a nation waking up to the cold reality of budget deficits and economic déjà vu that’s redder than Rudolph’s nose .

Only time will tell if this sleigh ride ends in cheers or tears. Until then, let the festivities roll, the cash flow and may voters’ goodwill last longer than their post-election hangovers.

Pat Kenny is a member of Inklings Writing Group, who meet on Tuesdays 11am in the Annebrook House Hotel. Visitors are welcome.